Pastor
T.D. Jakes made a statement once that was morbid but SO true!
He said that when choosing a mate, you need to ask yourself whether
or not that person is the one you would want to hold your hand
as you are lowering your parents' bodies into the grave for the
last time.
Ladies, that is serious.
Meditate on that for a few seconds. Your entire perspective
in terms of what you are searching for in a mate should be based
on that one question. Are you dating? Think about
your boyfriend. Is he seriously the one you would want holding
your hands during the darkest hours of your life?
Look even deeper. Is your present boyfriend the type who
would offer you assistance during the time of grief? Believe
it or not, there are numerous men out here who offer absolutely
NO comfort to hurting women. And no, it does not matter whether
they are married to those women or not!
I wish you could see some of the personal letters this site receives
from married women. Yes, some of them are happy, praise God! However,
the ones who are not happy are absolutely miserable. There
is no in-between. Either you are happy in a marriage or
you are not. There are married women writing saying that
their husbands never show authentic affection towards them, never
offer expressions of love for them.
That is real ladies. Because it is so real, God desires
that women are exceptionally careful when choosing a mate.
Notice I did not say that women should FIND a mate! I said "choose".
There is a huge difference.
Turn in your Bibles to Proverbs 18:22. It says that He who
finds a wife finds a good thing...
Interpretation: MEN find women.
Women should not be out trying to find a man! HOWEVER, once
found, the woman can then choose to be with the man or to wait
to be found by a different man.
WHAT TO LOOK FOR WHEN CHOOSING A MATE:
Proverbs 20:6 states, Who can find a faithful man? The fact that
the question is asked is indicative of the fact that there are
not many faithful men out there. However, there is good
news. The good news is that JESUS knows where the faithful
men are!
Webster's New Collegiate Dictionary offers several excellent definitions
of the word faithful:
FAITHFUL
a. Steadfast in affection or allegiance
b. Loyal
c. Firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty
d. Conscientious
The scriptures say that a faithful man is difficult to find. God
is
saying that it is hard to find a man with the qualities in letters
a,b,c, and d. ---However, wouldn't you love to have a man with
the qualities listed above? They are rare, ladies.
But GOD knows where such men are located.
Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5:23. Scriptures state,
For the
husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church;
and He is the Savior of the body.
Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the
wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church
and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her
with the washing of water by the Word. That He might present
her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or
any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.
Stop. Now go back and re-read that passage.
God is offering us a blueprint on what to look for in a mate.
Let's pick that scripture apart.
1. The husband is head of the wife - That means that you need
to choose a man who is born-again. He also needs to be a
man under whose authority you will feel comfortable submitting.
It is dangerous to submit to the authority of a man who is not
saved or who does not have a relationship with God.
2. The husband must love his wife as Christ loves the Church -
That is a tough one ladies! Look at the degree to which
God loves His Church! He died for the Church (the entire body
of Christ). How does God love us?
He is respectful to the Church. He is intimate with the
Church. He is kind and patient and nurturing to the Church.
Those are the qualities you need to search for when determining
who to marry.
3. The husband must sanctify and cleanse and wash his wife with
the Word of God - Again, only a born-again man can wash you with
the Word of God (scriptures). Think about the dating ritual.
Boy
meets girl
They date, start to care deeply, and the subject of yes pops up.
Question: HOW will the man handle it?
God says that it is the responsibillity of the man to see to it
that he presents a woman clean and holy. If he is fornicating
with her, how can he present her as clean and holy?
Yes outside of the marriage bond is dirty. Therefore, if you find
yourself with a man trying to fornicate with you, you have the
wrong man.
God says that He presents the Church (His bride!) without spot
or
wrinkle or blemish. Your future husband must present you
at the altar without spot or wrinkle or blemish.
Furthermore, even if you become weak and want to fornicate, he
must be able to WASH you with God's Word. He is responsible
for you! Ladies, this is important. Please listen so that
you don't end up miserable.
BECOMING ONE:
In Ephesians 5:31 the scriptures state that For this reason a
man
shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and
the
two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak
concerning Christ and the church...
God hates divorce. However, He also hates abuse. God does
not want you being psychologically abused or tormented.
He does not want you physically abused. And He certainly
does not want you disrespected by a man committing adultery against
you.
Too many women in this country, in their quest for a man, are
settling with men who are not worthy of them. The reason
so many women are in unhappy marriages is because they latched
onto the wrong man to please society or family or friends.
Now they are stuck with a mean or unaffectionate or abusive wrong
mate.
Sister it is not too late for you. If you pick the right
man from the
beginning, you won't end up hurt and miserable (or divorced).
Listen carefully. GOD says that when you marry, you become ONE
with that person. God no longer sees you as separate but He sees
you and your husband as ONE person. We cannot fully comprehend
it because God says it's a great mystery!
Think about your boyfriend. Do you see yourself becoming
ONE with him? Can you imagine your soul being linked with his
until death? If you have problems after marriage it's because
something was broken before marriage (that was obviously ignored).
If you do not have a boyfriend yet, GREAT! Now you know
what to look for! When you marry, your soul becomes linked
with your husband's. Too many women are getting married multiple
times. God is not pleased with that. He sees it as
adultery. It is His will that we marry once, create a family
with that one person, and be happy......ecstatic in that marriage.
The scriptures also state that the man shall leave his parents.
Check out the family of the man you are considering marrying!
Are they always leaning on him, trying to borrow his money? Are
you in agreement with them always calling him to the house to
take care of their personal problems? Guess what?
It won't end after marriage.
If he is giving them money now, he will continue after marriage.
If his family is leeching off of him now, they will after marriage.
The question is, can you handle it? If not, now is the time
to discuss the problem. Don't wait. There are too many men
who refuse to leave their father and mother. There are too
many women who refuse to leave their parents. Extended families
are famous for breaking up marriages. NOW is the time to get the
problems straight.
Finally, how attracted are you to your future husband? Please
do not marry a man if there is even a shadow of a doubt that you
are totally attracted to him physically. Too many women
lose their husbands because after marriage they stop having yes.
The reason many women stop having yes is because their husbands
are cold, rude, abusive. If you are married to a man who
has the qualifications of the "faithful man" listed
above in this article, you will be attracted to him forever, emotionally
and physically! Women who don't want yes with their husbands are
women who married the wrong man. PLEASE ladies, don't marry
the wrong man. Wait.
In Solomon 3:4 it is said, I found him whom my soul loves.
The reason she found the one whom her soul loves is because she
was PATIENT!
Luke 21:19 says, In your patience possess ye your soul.
The interpretation of that for a single woman is that if you are
patient, you will meet the one whom your soul loves.
God bless you and we wish you the best in your wait for the right
mate.
~By C.L. Burrow
(Reprinted from T.D. Jake's website)
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